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Dealing with roommate issues

Making a roommate relationship work for everyone requires planning, commitment, involvement and, sometimes, hard work. There are many advantages of having roommates—companionship, friendship, and the opportunity to share expenses and responsibilities are just a few of these advantages. But there can be a downside, too, if you find out too late that your roommate never pays his or her bills or is reckless with the property. You may find out you're not really compatible or that you have different values.

For all these reasons, it makes sense to sit down with everyone involved and talk about some ground rules for how you want to live together before jumping into a roommate situation. You'll want to develop a list of simple rules with clear definitions. After all, the words "quiet" and "occasional" can mean different things to different people.

Consider putting these simple rules in writing and having all the roommates sign the form. This may sound a bit stuffy and formal, but it can help you avoid future problems if your agreement is written down and not just verbal. If you find yourself disagreeing with a roommate, you won't have to rely solely on memory-you can go back and read your written agreement.

The list below can be used as a starting point for items to discuss with your roommates before signing the lease.

  • Set money ground rules. You might also consider how you will track the money owed by each roommate. Free social networking sites, such as www.buxfer.com or www.billmonk.com, allow you to form groups of friends or roommates and track who owes what for dinner tabs, utility bills, and other shared expenses.
  • Study time. Will you have quiet time for study? If so, what time of day do you prefer to study? How much noise can you tolerate when studying?
  • Food sharing. Will you share food or each buy food separately? Will you divide refrigerator space? How about cupboard space? Are there staples you will buy together, such as spices and herbs? Or will everything be bought separately?
  • Sharing personal items. What items can be shared or borrowed and what items are off limits? Do you want to be asked for permission before an item is borrowed? Or is it OK for someone to just grab an item to use? Are there staples you will buy together, such as laundry soap and toilet paper? Or, again, will everything be bought separately?
  • Household chores. Who is responsible for cleaning the areas that you share and how often?
  • Smoking and drinking. Are you OK with smokers in the house? If you and your roommates are over 21 years of age, how do you feel about drinking alcohol in the apartment? What will you do if a guest drinks too much?
  • Quiet time. What time do you go to bed? What time is too late for visitors? When is it too late to receive phone calls? How loud do you want your music playing?
  • Guests. How do you feel about overnight guests? How do you feel about a boyfriend's or girlfriend's long-term visit? At what point does a "guest" become an additional roommate? (The answer is—if all other roommates agree and it's OK in the lease.)
  • Party time. How often are you planning to have parties? Who will clean up?
  • Privacy. What are your needs for privacy?
  • Security. Should anyone besides the roommates have keys? Where will you keep extra keys? Does everybody agree to lock doors and windows when you are away from home? How about when you're at home?
  • Pets. Does your lease allow pets? Do you want a pet? Are you allergic to any pets? How many pets are you willing to have in the apartment?
  • Moving out. Will all roommates be there at the end of the lease? Who will clean the place at move-out time?

This section was adapted from University of Pennsylvania Off-Campus Living.

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